God's Fingerprint
After miscarrying in 2016 and again in 2017 I shared in my previous post what that experience felt like. My husband and I kept trying and it got to a point where month after month I was disappointed. I was doing everything to make it happen, I did not drink any alcohol, I took vitamins and tried not to stress. Don’t get me wrong, doing those things were good, but it was not giving me our baby we prayed for and trying to fall pregnant started feeling like it was controlling me. I felt like I was being punished for falling pregnant with my first born out of wedlock. I felt like maybe I’m not a good mom to my first son and now God does not want to give me another child, my biggest desire. I felt a failure, especially because all my son wanted was a sibling and he too felt the disappointment that came with the miscarriages. I was ready to make up my mind about the adoption option, when my husband encouraged me to not give up.
One day I just decided to give it over to God, and to stop trying to fall pregnant on my terms but on His. I realized we sometimes want things and we pray and pray, we ask God for this and that but then we forget that praying requires surrendering. Complete surrender. Allowing God complete control.
The day I did this, was the day that everything changed for me. Just over a month later I found out I was pregnant! Yaaaaaay!!!!! Praise God. We were so excited, but at the same time I carried some fear. Fear that I would miscarry again, so we kept it the news on the low and only told a few prayerful people. A week later my husband and I were travelling to Thailand, and I had some cool adventures planned that we were to do there. At first, I wanted to change the tours thinking I don’t want to risk another miscarriage, but then I was reminded God knows who I am, He knows I am adventurous, and I just couldn’t miss the opportunity to do what I love in another country (within the limits of being responsible of course). Again, I had to give Him full control over the pregnancy process. God gave me peace over my fear, I knew that this baby was destined, and nothing was going to stand in the way of Gods Will and Plan.
In January this year I gave birth to another handsome healthy baby boy, yes this is my praise story and know how blessed I am. I realize I am blessed beyond, God was faithful to me. I understand that it may not be the same for you. I understand that there are so many women who would love to have the ability to birth their own child, yet they cannot. During my pregnancy I would find myself complaining about this and that, I would then remind myself of the many women out there who would do anything to feel the pregnancy symptoms, to feel their miracle kicking and hiccuping. I may not understand your pain to its full capacity, but I do understand to a certain extent and I would just like to encourage you to always have faith no matter what. God is a faithful God. There are other ways of falling pregnant and if that does not work or it is not an option then maybe your purpose to adopt or foster, to be a blessing to a baby or child that has no one. It may be your purpose to give them a chance at love and family. Not being able to birth your own child does not make you less of a woman or less of a mother. Those thoughts and feelings I had to realize are lies from the enemy.
A child, whether adopted or not, is blessing. I want to encourage you to not give up, to have faith and trust God in your process. Seek His purpose and Will for your life and once you know what it is, trust that God will be faithful to His promise to you.
I was blessed to have friends and family praying for me and supporting me and I would suggest to you to find that support system where you can be honest about your feelings and struggles and have them help you work through it. A support system that does not judge you, but only prays for you.
I am praying for you too.
XOXOXO
