Chains Are Broken

I struggled writing this post. I was not sure what to say, what not to say or how to best say it. But before I share my story I want to be clear that it is not to shame anyone, it is about my truth but ultimately about the faithfulness of God.

In November 2018 I went to someone for prayer and God revealed through this person that there is a third party in my marriage and also that one of my friends was backstabbing me.

At the end of December when I was at on the last of my pregnancy, my husband confessed to his affair with my closest friend. It was around the same time her husband, my husband's close friend found out too. Two marriages involving four kids.

At first I was calm when he told me because it was already revealed to me the month before. He filed for divorce while I stood for my marriage and fought in spirit, I mean after doing some research on affairs and how it has become so normal and how God has restored some marriages, I had hoped and believed God would want to do the same with my marriage. Months went by, along with many incidents back and forth between me and his continuous affair. I could not understand what God was doing, why would He allow this, why would He allow my kids to experience this mess with all the confusion and chaos. That was the kind of conversations God and myself had on many occasions...until one day I felt, DONE!!! Done with the manipulation and control. Done with accepting that kind of behaviour. Done with being disrespected as a woman, as his wife and as the mother of his kids. Done with believing that committing adultery is okay. Because it is not.

I soon realized that God allowed everything to happen the way it did so that I would get to a point where I had learnt that I did not need to tolerate this and that I am worth so much more. I had to learn the hard way to love myself and my kids enough to step out of God's way and to allow the divorce he filled for, eventually happen. By the time that day came, one whole roller-coaster year later, I had peace, knowing that I did everything I could to save my marriage. I understood God allowed it to happen that way because I do not believe in divorce and I would not have had it in me to file for it even if I had every reason to.

Even though I would never wish this experience, like divorce on anyone, it was part of God's plan. Now I am free from the humiliation and pain and free to fully experience God's love and to pass that love to my babies. The chains are broken!! This does not take away the responsibility and challenge that I have of working towards forgiving him. I know that I need to keep praying for him in general but more so to pray that God will send him an amazing woman that loves God first, over and above everything else, simply because he is the father of my kids and I would want a great woman to be part of their lives.

How God came through

Before the divorce was finalized I took a step of faith and resigned from the business, believing God was saying that I need to cut all ties and depend on Him. It was the most frightening thing because I gave four years of my life to that business and was not sure what job or when a job will come. But I did it and 3 weeks later I got a new job in my field with a better salary. It was that 50/50 faith. Where you know God can do it, but as time goes by a little doubt creeps in, which is normal and in the end He came through for me. God is always Faithful!!!

My next faith test was soon after. I had to find a place for myself and the kids to stay after the divorce. With only just starting a new job, no deposit and no money that came into my account for months, so I could not even apply for a place through agencies. I prayed and trusted. I knew it was only God that could come through for me because time was running out. One Friday evening I went to this worship event called First Friday and while being in His presence I was reminded of Whose I am and Whom I serve, the God of everything. And in that moment I started speaking to God and telling him what it is I want for me and boys. A two bedroom apartment in a complex with a pool in a specific area that is affordable. I was quite specific and I could picture it. The Sunday my friend told me her aunt is looking to rent out her place and it was exactly what I asked God for. An affordable two bedroom apartment with a pool and no deposit was required.

How good is God? I also just learned that while I am trusting Him for many other things in my life and while I might lose faith along the way, to remember all He has done for me in past. He is Faithful, even when we are not and His timing is always Perfect.