Marriage, Christianity and The Ugly Truth
We as women do not know the strength we carry within us until we are forced to recognize it in tough situations…I am sure we have all heard this many of times. I know I did.
In life, we come across so many difficult situations, some more often than others and then we all must find that strength to get through it. I’ve faced many of my own but it wasn’t until recent happenings in my life that really brought me to dig deep, and find strength I really believed I did not have.
It was then that I decided to start writing about my recent tough experience and the REAL struggle of facing it in a Christian manor or as a woman of God. This is my journey and as I continue to grow and learn I want to share it and hopefully make a difference in somebody else’s life.
As some knew and others not, my husband and I were getting a divorce. Everything from that moment of before visiting the lawyer, went downhill. The business, other finances, we could not even get our son into the school we wanted for 2018. My first and biggest struggle, being a Christian woman, knowing what the Bible and God says about divorce and also being in the position where there was nothing more I could do but leave it to God and let it take it’s course. I went from crying out to Him “please save my marriage” to “Lord let your Will be done”. Even though His word says, “what God has put together let no man tear apart” I started believing that maybe marriage working out is not what God wants.
I was so beyond myself emotionally and at war with myself where a part of me just wanted it to be over with and the other part knowing fully that me making that move would be disobedient to God. And all I want to do in my life is be obedient to Him and His word. It all felt like it was out of my hands, and it probably was and I had to do the most obvious but most demanding thing, and that was to leave it completely in God’s hands. I can tell you now, we hear so many people say all the time “leave it to God, trust God, etc….” and I’m sure I’ve said that to people before as well. But now I laugh, realizing that it’s one of those easier said than done things. In fact, there is nothing easy about trying to completely trust God. And it wasn’t just that I needed to learn to trust Him, I also needed to have faith, peace and somehow in all the mess, to find joy as well. Growing in one of those at a time is hard spiritual work…now imagine having to grow in four or more over the same time….it was tough. I cannot tell you the amount of times I wanted to give up on being a Christian. But throughout it all, I grew closer to God, I gained wisdom and I matured spiritually, that I started seeing my struggle as a blessing instead.
After experiencing what I did, going through the divorce, the hurt, the tears, the fighting, lawyers and the decision of whether to contest or not, I would not wish it upon anyone. I was advised by many people who love and care about me, that I should contest and believe me, being put in the financial position I was put it, I really wanted to contest but deep down I knew I did not have the energy for it and it would just make me bitter and miserable and our son did not deserve to deal with that. I prayed and prayed about it and made the decision to not contest. While I was asking God for peace in my decision, He was asking me to trust that he has my back and that we will be okay. There it is again, Trust! while my flesh is freaking out completely every time I think about food for the month, travelling, rent etc.
I thought of taking a loan out to get me a car, and I tried but every time I walked into the bank before something was wrong, by the third time I tried, the branch went offline. I sat there and realized that this was God saying, “No. just wait on me”. I also tried getting a roommate to share the rent with, but that was a total fail and God was saying again, “No. wait on me”. My spirit knew if I continue doing things out of my own, it was going to fail, so I stopped, realizing again that my only choice is to Trust Him and to wait on Him.
The decision for the divorce seemed like it was a done deal, and that God was not able to save my marriage like he did with so many others. Just before it would have been all over, God brought my husband and I to a place where we decided to not give up. Praise God, honestly it is only God who can do what he does, and only He knows why he does what he does. All he asks of us is to trust, have faith and obey him. Now the hard work starts 😊
Marriage really is all hard work and it is definitely not for the feint-hearted. Nowadays divorce is so common and it happens over the simplest things like, I had enough of you, I do not love you anymore, etc. What happened to the time where marriage really meant “till death do us part”? and I ask this across all religions and all faiths, but more harshly I ask this to Christians who knows what God says about marriage. Do we know what it means to be married? Do we know the responsibility we have to carry being a married Christian?
I had to ask myself these questions and the reality of it is No, I did not know. For my husband and I the biggest question we were faced with was, do we know what is really means to Glorify God in your marriage? As a young couple, needing to learn this very early in our marriage I really hope our journey not only inspires others but allows others to relate as I feel that this is something that is not focused on hard enough in the Church, the reality of marriage, and a Christian one.
